hi im gemma and to be honest im finding it easier to discuss my problems online than actually talk to someone face to face. i tried to talk to the samaritans but only ended up in tears and a mess. i sit here not sure what to write because from what i have read you have all said it all better that i could ever do!
i dont know why i suffer from depression and i have no idea what triggers me off, some time i feel sad, sometimes i feel really angry especially when someone comes along and say smile the world not ended yet thats when i imagine smacking there face in. sometimes someone could say something little and its not the words that they use,or the way they say it its how i think they really mean it. i have it in my head at the moment that every one hates me and i would be better off somewhere else..... and when its really bad im in this big deep black circular hole with no way out...
at the moment i just feel spaced and jaded like i dont ever want to wake up.
i feel guilty about what affect it is haveing on my family,my husband love him is trying hard to understand it but he just ends up getting frustrated, my boys well they dont understand whats going on. my university course has suffered a deep nose dive and the cats are now avoiding me like they sense something.
and yet i keep battleing on, and i dont know why i do. but am also afraid that one day i will stop and thats my biggest fear.
anyway thankyou for reading this.
gems
