Hi

[ickis13]

Hi,

I've never done anything like this before so not sure how it works or what I should expect.

To be honest I don't really know what my problem is.  I have a great life, better than I ever thought I would be able to get.  I have a fantastic partner and beautiful step daughter but I just spend time thinking that I'm completely worthless and that they deserve better than me.  This is really starting to effect my relationship and I'm so scared I'm going to cause it to all go away.  I manage to snap myself out of it but by then the damage is done and I can't take back all the things I've said.  I try to make it up but the guilt just drags me back down.  I just don't know what to do to end this cycle,  I don't want to lose everything but I don't know how to get it back.  I think I may have pushed him too far.

He wants me to go to the doctors but I don't want medication and I don't feel comfortable talking to people about this stuff.  I feel stupid and weak so to say stuff like this with someone judging me feels too much.  I don't know what to do I've got everything I could have hoped for and its still not enough.  I feel alone and I don't know what to do to get it all back.

Thanks for listening

[Ezel]

 ^&*

If you decide to go to your GP he/she wont necessarily suggest meds .... I know from my own experience making that first step is difficult .... and if he/she is a good doctor you wont be judged.  Posting here is a good start as none of us are judgemental.

[Seqed]

Hi!

I'm new to all of this too, I'm glad you felt able to open up and share these feelings, I guess sometimes being anonymous is a godsend.  On a positive note, having recognised how you feel, your in a much better place to start addressing these issues.  You're very clear on how you don't want to deal with things which gives you scope to explore other options and ways of dealing with these feelings.
I know you're feeling guilt because you appear to have everything you've ever wanted but maybe this is your body's way of telling you that all is not well. Are you getting enough time to yourself? Do you have hobbies and interests outside your family life? Would you consider online counselling as opposed to face to face? Perhaps if you felt brave enough you could even venture to the doctors and be very clear that you don't want medicine but more advice on coping mechanisms?
I hope that you're able to find a way through all this, you're not alone.

Much peace and happiness to you

Sooz