Hi everyone - my story

[shrinking_violet]

I've had depression for the last 4-5 years and I'm just shy of 19. I've harmed myself all this time too, quite badly. At this age it seems particularly hard to find support. I really need a friend who listens but whenever I try talking to people (and I mean good friends) about my feelings, all I get is judged and laughed at, told to "stop being pathetic". A few weeks ago I felt so low I attempted suicide. Before I did it I called my best friend (and very recent ex, who I broke up with because he cheated on me with a completely fake girl. And I don't even wear makeup...) because I felt like I needed someone to stop me doing it. See I don't want to die, I just don't want to live. Anyway, he said he'd finish cooking his dinner and call me back. I waited an hour. I started taking pills, but after just three my mum caught me red handed. So here I am.

I'm lucky to have a mum who is so supportive, I wouldn't be here without her there is no doubt about it. But I am so sick of people not taking me seriously. I hope that this forum can show me that there are genuine and supportive people in the world who know what I'm going through.

Laura xx

[Ezel]

Hi Laura,

What you are going through is very real and should be taken seriously.  People who don't suffer with depression don't understand how difficult life can be when you do suffer with it.  My family have that "pull yourself together" attitude but fortunately my husband understands and I have supportive friends/

 ^&*
"P" 

[kern]

Hello   ^&*

If you’re self harming or used to, have you told anyone else that you do it? And are you doing it cleanly? Have you spoken to your doctor?
(You never know who will be the one that listens.)
Sorry for the 20 questions.

There is help out there; it’s just a case of persevering and asking the right people.
(Looks so simple wrote down)

 I understand not wanting to die but not wanting to live. There are a good few times I feel the same way.   &*(

Friends should know your in need, yet a lot of people still have that unhelpful and judgemental attitude.
I myself tend to be called the ”Emo” or “Goth” of the social group that know me. (Yet I’m nothing of the sort.)

 Understanding mothers are Fantastic! *() I have a very supporting mum myself…But, there are things I wouldn’t dream of talking to her about, no matter how helpful it could be. Mostly I feel it will upset her too much and I couldn’t live with the guilt of that. (Hope I’m making sense here _)()

There are people that will listen even if it’s on an interweb forum 

Ttfn ♥
 +=-

[Mcnally]

Hi Laura & Everyone,

I have suffered from depression now for 10 years on and off.  It started with the loss of my nan it hit me hard and for the first time life didnt seem so great.  I totally understand how you feel as I am again right now going through another episode of depression which has been with me now for 9 weeks and counting, I dont actually feel any better and oftend think of suicide with is alot easier when you drink as much as I do.

If you ever need a chat then this is the place to come as from what I can see alot of people on here are good people not like some of the other sites I have visited

Good luck with fighting this and I agree that unless you have suffered with depression yourself you will never understand how it feels to want this black cloud to leave.

Mc

[Ezel]

 ^&* to you Mcnally

[daithi]

Hi.  Firstly, you are not alone in this, and you are not unusual.

I think at least some of the problem is that sufferers from depression feel weak, or freakish, which only goes to make them feel worse, and so it goes on...  Somehow you have to break that circle.

I know what you mean about finding it difficult to talk to people.  Even kind, well-meaning people who have never had depression have no idea.